its amazing how long i haven't posted for; its amazing that blogger is back to normal; its amazing that im still here.

somehow apparently today, i just felt like uploading a post.

it won't be a post of crap or whatever, (my EOYs STARTS tomorrow)

in fact my first paper tomorrow is english, and i was thinking what if the expoitary essay tomorrow would be "freedom"

i've been reading a wonderful book by paulo coelho - the zahir, its truely one of the best books, and its a book thats indescribable, a book thats full of wonderful content and style.

fighting for freedom,
i have everything, but im not happy.
and im not the only one either;

over the years, i've met all kinds of people: the rich, the poor, the powerful, and those who just make do.

I've seen the same sadness which people were'nt always prepared to acknowledge, but which, regardless of what they were telling me, was nevertheless there.

some people appear to be happy, but they simply don't give the matter much thought.

others make plans: im going to have a husband, a home, two children, a house, as long as they're busy doing that, they're like bulls looking for the bullfighter: they react instinctively, they blunder on, with no idea where the target is.

They get their car, sometimes they even get a Ferrari, and they think that's the meaning of life, and they never question it. Yet their eyes betray the sadness that even they don't know they carry in their soul. Are you happy?

I don't know if everyone is unhappy. I know they're all busy: working overtime, worrying about their children, their husband, their career, their degree, what they are going to do tomorrow etc. Very few people actually say "im unhappy". most say " i'm fine, i've got everything i ever wanted."

"what makes you happy?"
Answer: "i've got everything a person could possibly want - a family, a home, work, good health"
"Have you ever stopped to wonder if that's all there is to life?"
Answer: "Yes, thats all there is"
I insist, " so the meaning of life is work, family, children who grow up and leave you, a wire or husband who will become more like a friend than a real lover. And of course, one day your work will end too. What will you do when that happens?"
Answer: There is no answer.

"if i insist, they always come up with something they're lacking. The businessman hasn't yet closed the deal he wanted, the housewife would like to have more independence and more money, the boy who's in love is afraid of losing his girlfriend, the new graduate wonders if he wanted to be a singer, the singer wanted to be a politician, the politician wanted to be a writer, the writer wanted to be a farmer, and even when i did meet someone who was doing what he had chosen to do, that person's soul was still in torment. He hadn't found peace yet either. So are you happy?"

whats missing?

maybe we don't all have the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs. Perhaps that's where the sadness comes from.

this was taken from part of the book, and im still reading.

the way paulo phrased it was beautiful, and i do indeed feel like that. im going to start having the courage to follow my dreams. Freedom is worth fighting for. maybe sometimes its about we end this small fantasied restricted world and made it real.

Speaking of eoys again, i do hope i could do well. im not particularly scared or do i in fact treat it as a significant predicament of any sort. to excoriate the layers off this journey and unveil the year's stark hard work. the fortitude to approach this exams is respectable. within everyone as they prepare, they do indeed realise maybe, where they're heading for.

i don't really know what i'll possibly write about tomorrow. i do wish i could write something remarkable. i was actually planning to finish the fan fic that i was writing but looks like i ran out of time. maybe i still could.

hmmm.
im weird i guess and i know it.

be gone.